Imagine December 23rd without any Christmas tradition to look forward to. I found myself silently crying as I thought about not being able to be with the people I usually spend Christmas with. It was pretty depressing not hearing any Tagalog Christmas song on the radio; not giving coins to children singing carols with their improvised musical instruments. I just wanted to sleep and get over the holidays.
(unfinished)
A mom told her daughter once, "as you get older, every choice that you make defines who you’re gonna turn into." She continued, "…that’s why you need to look at yourself and ask if you like the person you’re becoming."
Where do we base our decisions? How do we make sane choices?
When I was a kid, the only things I have to decide on are the colors of shirts I choose to wear, the games I want to play, or the tv shows I like to watch, among others. As I aged though, the more I had to weigh my options making sure I chose the best or at least the lesser evil one for that matter, hehehe.
It would have been easier deciding if right decisions were always coupled with right emotions. A lot of people regretted having to decide on the basis of emotions after failing to realize one absolute fact about emotions: that it is dynamic, ever changing.
Where do we go if we can no longer define our happiness? What if suddenly we are willing to trade something our whole life was about for something new, unstable, and unexpected.
We have to be cautious of any dead-end especially that life is how we make it. Almost everytime, there’s no turning back so now that today is still a gift, we have to be realistic rather than letting our emotions take over. Oftentimes, when we leave something behind, they are gone forever, and even if we do find them again, we can no longer have the whole of them.
The most important thing to really ask one’s self after taking into account every potential heartache and inflicted wound on people who love us, is it even worth it?
I have never really been writing blogs because I was still more comfortable with my old-fashioned way of keeping a journal (yes, the notebook and pen duo). With this first blog, I do not expect that anyone will actually read it because I, myself, have only read not more than 10 blogs in the past. What changed my mind with this whole blogging thing though is… probably boredom.
This is my story in the last months…
By the end of March 2007, my employment with HR Recruitment of Sitel Baguio ended. My summer was one of the most unforgettable as I went to Cebu and Bohol. I was jobless for a while because come September, I’ll be going to the States to migrate. I had no permanent address because I kept on travelling around from Bicol where my Mom is, to Manila with my aunt whenever I needed to complete some requirements for migration, to Moncada: my Dad’s hometown, and to Baguio just because I can’t get enough of that place.
I have countless friends in Baguio and it is very saddening that I had to leave. Here in my new place, one of the main adjustments really is the absence of all familiar people. I do not have friends here. This could be one of the primary reasons that pushed me to start blogging– to reach out to my friends out there. Whether they’ll read this or not, don’t really care because it is all cathartic for me anyway.Thanks to technology, I do not necessarily have to be doubly sad.
In my less-than-2-months stay here in California, I have heard of deaths of friends already… one, a friend from high school, the other, a family friend. It just hurts a lot that I am not there.
Half of the world may be better than the Philippines in many aspects, but a home will always be a home.
Have to watch news pa…
